It’s easy to get caught up in a whirlwind romance. He should also be showcasing genuine interest in you, making it clear that he wants to spend time with you and be sensitive to your feelings and needs, says Bobby. While there’s always a chance he could be putting on a show, it’s also possible he’s well-adjusted and ready for something serious. One good sign is if he can talk about his ex in a pretty objective way without assigning blame, getting worked up, or sounding regretful. “Even if they’re out in the world talking to other people or going on dates, they’re not available emotionally.” The thing is that having residual feelings for an ex is completely normal, so how do you know if he’s emotionally available or not? “When people are addicted to an ex, they still feel like their ex is their person,” says Bobby. That level of wistfulness or what-if thinking can stand in the way of a budding relationship, even if you two would normally be Disney-movie perfect together. “If he alludes to that, he may feel like if he had just been better, they could have continued being together,” says Bobby. Another tell is if he often blames himself for the breakup in a way that seems like he’d change the past if he could. “If you hear idealization or fondness when he talks about her, that can be an important indicator that there’s still an emotional attachment,” says Bobby. But there are also more subtle conversational clues that can hint as to how healed his heart is. If he can’t get her name out without his eyes getting a little misty, it’s clear you have a problem on your hands. But to figure out whether you should stick it out or cut your losses, ask yourself the following questions. That’s not to say it’s impossible for you two to make it. It obviously varies from person to person, but in that timeframe after a big breakup, people are usually still on the emotional mend. “Unless he explicitly says he’s over his ex and is pleased to be out of the relationship, assume he still has some attachment,” she says. If you’re dating someone who’s three to six months out of a significant relationship, Bobby has some words of caution.
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